Dork. It’s my middle name, but most days it should be my first. Blundering, babbling, tripping over my own two feet. And when those feet aren’t tripping me, the are often placed securely in my mouth. My personal filter is often out of whack. I have a horrible sense of direction, can’t for the life of me remember to get my mail and am a terribly distracted driver. I can bake, but I can’t cook. I can sing, but I can’t dance. I am terrible with remembering dates and times and places. The list could go on for days.
And so it stands to reason that when opportunities present themselves and God seems to be opening a door, I am often left feeling ill-equipped and undeserving of the privilege. My initial response is like that of our new puppy. Jumping up, tail wagging, smiling and panting with my tongue hanging out of my mouth. Metaphorically, of course. I get excited and happy and thankful for what it seems God is inviting me to. I run ahead with great passion and energy and drive.
And then, the doubts. I hit a snag or a dry spell. There is a complication or a delay in progress. And suddenly I am looking at all of the reasons why I shouldn’t have been chosen for such a task. I wonder if I misheard God’s voice in my ear, if He should have chosen someone else. Did I run too far ahead and miss something? Did I move too slow and miss something? Who am I to think that I can accomplish this task, this mission?
I have a friend who is going through a very similar time right now. And for both of us, and for any of you out there who are struggling or have struggled or will struggle with these thoughts, I give you Moses. God had big plans for Him – leading a bunch of people out of slavery, through a forty year time of desert dwelling and to the promised land. A huge responsibility. And Moses was sure he was not the man for the job.
“Moses said to the Lord, ‘O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past or since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’ The Lord said to him, ‘ Who gave man his mouth?….Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.’ ”
Did Moses do a perfect job through all of those years that he followed God’s call? Absolutely not. He made many mistakes. But he learned from them, obeyed, and listened for the next instruction from God. And when he relied on God’s timing and direction instead of his own resources and shortcomings, God did amazing things. In fact, at the end of Moses’ life, it’s recorded in Deuteronomy 34:12 – “For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sigh of all Israel.” God used a tongue-tied, fearful, imperfect man to do incredible things.
I don’t ever expect to do anything incredible. I just want to do the things that God shows me and chose me to do. I want to rely on Him and His strength and wisdom, because I know so well my own faults and weaknesses. I want to listen well, wait patiently, and respond accordingly. And I will trust that because He knows my heart, He will show me in ways that I can fully understand.
Isaiah 30:21 – “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”
